Every death comes as a shock. It can come as a complete surprise – all of a sudden just like an earthquake. It is always with a chilly wind that it arrives… such an injustice. Each time, I simply not believe. The concept struggles to reach my brain. It is as if death is ‘non sense’, a jarring insult to life. An insult to everything I know.
Every death hurts me. The relationship between me and the deceased having completely vanished in an instant. The forever unsaid words, the friendly glances now only memories, the teaching and learning that will remain unfinished, the tenderness that now rests in an empty solitude, the laughter… forever extinguished. Each and every moment becomes a chance to glimpse a memory and the little movie that always comes with it. I watch the movie. Weep. Say goodbye.
Every death brings a gift. The privilege to be alive. I realize that life is precious, and that it will end. I want to kiss it, to take care of it, to remember that it is temporary. It brings me back to basics. Like a baby… simply breathing, aware only of the immediate environment – it’s whole universe. I reevaluate my priorities – short and long term. How do I want to fill my days and my nights. I make resolutions to support my wellness. Every death brings a gift… the Present.